Lea & Lens

I feel…refreshed. I think. I’ve taken a few months off to reset and spend time with my family. It’s been a very nice break that included welcoming my soldier home, traveling to a few Caribbean countries via a cruise ship, and playing with some gear purchased last fall that I hadn’t really had time to put through its paces. It was a long hiatus here on the blog, but the real world time seemed to fly by.

As I ponder the things I’d like to cover here, and in the process hopefully open up some discussions with you, I’ll leave you with just a few images I’ve taken in the past several months.

If I wasn’t already aware, I am now. My husband does a lot around here. The big things, sure, I knew I was going to be on my own with those – and I was prepared. It’s the little things that have stopped me in my tracks and left me two breaths shy of pulling my hair out. He’s great at the little things and tackles them without breaking stride. I wasn’t prepared for how all those little things would add up. 

Needless to say, this has been a rough deployment and keeping up on all the things has left me very little time for photography, blogging, or myself. I had some lofty goals this year but you know what? Sometimes we have to push those back in order to get through our current season with joy. I’m okay with that.

So, what’s on the horizon for 2023? Well, I’ve given this quite a lot of thought and I’ve made a few commitments that I plan to carry through into the new year. The first is one I’ve talked about: I won’t be buying any gear I’m not confident I’ll keep for at least a year. My turnover rate was simply too high. The second is that I won’t be purchasing any NEW gear in 2023. It is definitely not lost on me (especially with my high turnover rate) that old electronics have to go somewhere when they die and if buying used gear and giving it new purpose helps to lesson the strain on the planet, that’s something I’d like to be a part of. The final commitment I decided on was not spending more than $500 on any single piece of gear. So, even when I do decide to add something to my kit, whether body or lens, it cannot exceed $500. That will certainly be tricky with the way inflation is playing out and unfortunately, I don’t think I’m going to find a Canon 24-70 f/2.8 for that price…oh well. We all have to make sacrifices.

2022 was the year I came full circle, both in life and in creativity. I finally got my health under control, and I lost 30 lbs as a result. I haven’t talked about that here really, but right around my 40th birthday in 2020, I started experiencing some symptoms and it took almost two years, a few doctors, a minor surgery, and a lot of personal research, trial, and error to figure out where the problem lay and get it all sorted out. Suffice to say, I feel like a new person. I also decluttered my life BIG TIME, including the amassed, but rarely used gear filling the drawers in my office. 

I’m ready to head into 2023 unencumbered, with a heart full of joy and gratitude. I hope you’ll join me.

As I focus on rediscovering my love of photography, I’m placing a high priority on using simple gear. Having sold off all but one tiny point and shoot camera, I committed to cut my G.A.S. (a.k.a. “gear acquisition syndrome”) down by half and also not to purchase anything I won’t keep for at least a year. In keeping with that, I’ve made my first post selling-all-my-gear purchase. And you know what? You can’t go wrong with a classic.

The Canon 5D was my first full frame camera. My first “serious” camera. I had a few Canon APS-C sensor cameras prior to it, but the 5D was the camera I used when my photography really transformed into something that was actually good. Something I was proud of. There’s a definite sense of nostalgia surrounding that camera for me. Along with it, I purchased a 50mm f/1.4 – also a classic. But nostalgia wasn’t the only reason I made this purchase. I also wanted something simple, remember? Something without all the bells and whistles of the newer bodies. Something with less settings to manage and a less complicated menu. Something with an OPTICAL VIEWFINDER that wasn’t a rangefinder. I can’t tell you how over I am staring at screens, let alone putting one (in the form of an EVF) up to my eye continually.

And where did I snag this classic duo? Well, surprisingly, I ordered them both from MPB for a grand total of $378. That’s right. Less than $400 for a full frame camera and lens. If you’ve been around a while, you know that I had a bad experience with MPB last year. Probably one of the worst retail experiences of my life actually. And that wasn’t the only bad experience I had with them. I also know I’m not the only one as I’ve heard from many others in the USA who shared their own tales of woe. But when a few very popular YouTubers were among them, I thought maybe it would get the company’s attention and they’d address some of these issues. I’ll certainly keep you posted about the experience and update my previous review if needed.

While I await the arrival this camera and lens, I decided to go back through my archives and pull out some images I previously shot with this camera to share here. There were way too many to go through all of them but here is a small selection of images shot back in 2012-2013, my first year with this camera.

When life gets hard, I put my camera down. For some, it’s the opposite. Some use their camera to help process through hardship and stress. Not me. During stressful or busy seasons, I strip my life down to the bare essentials. I may take a few random shots here and there, but overall, I conserve my energy for survival rather than expend it on creation.

Even I was surprised to see that I haven’t posted since August. But here I am. Ready and excited for fall. I hope to get out on a few photo walks with my daughter in the not too distant future.

I’ve been on the cusp of it so many times. I’ve certainly talked about it enough. As of today, it’s official. I sold all the rest of my gear, save for one point and shoot camera.​ I’ve been selling off the camera equipment I’ve amassed for a year now, but never had the courage to literally get rid of it all. Knowing I’d take a loss was part of the reason I’ve held onto it for so long, and instead of clearing things out, I kept adding more, trying desperately to make it all work for me. 

I think it might sound ridiculous, but I have no other way to describe it. I truly felt like my gear was an anvil around my neck, dragging me down, keeping me from lifting my head to see and photograph the world around me. Too many tools, not enough vision. Too much time spent on acquisition, not enough time spent on creation. Once upon a time, I was passionate about photography. I had one camera and a 50mm lens, only I didn’t understand crop factors so had no idea for years that my nifty 50 was actually more like 80mm. I didn’t know, but I didn’t care. I just took photos. Gosh, I miss that.

Truth be told, I’m in serious danger of no longer photographing my own life in a meaningful way. I get stuck just choosing what camera and lens to use! My kids HATE having their pictures taken now. I’ve ruined them. I’ve been in need of a complete reset for such a long time, but never fully committed myself to it. Kind of like an alcoholic who keeps a bottle of whiskey in a drawer at work. It was time to pour it down the drain. No more contingencies. 

And so, it’s all gone. The bodies, the lenses…all sold. And I feel so relieved. Now it’s just me, an iPhone, and my Ricoh GRII (“Squirt”). It shouldn’t take so much work to get back to where I was ten years ago, photographing for the love of it, instinctually, not over thinking everything. 

I decluttered my house, my garage, my gear…maybe what I needed all along was to declutter myself. There was a tempest within, and now, in its place you’ll find a resolute calm. The kind that lets you breathe deeply and exhale fully. It’s exactly where I need to be.