Hiding behind the camera is so much easier.

I have a hard time getting in the picture. Part of it is residual low self-esteem from my late teens and early 20’s. Part of it is simply being unwilling to relinquish the control of the camera. And still another part of it is not trusting someone else to take a picture of me that doesn’t make me cringe. Which I guess goes back to part one.

No matter how many books I read, how many therapists I see, or how much self care I practice, there is still a part of me that can’t look at a photograph of myself without seeing only the negative. Even if the negative I see doesn’t actually exist. And because of that distorted view of self, I have a very difficult time stepping out from behind the lens to stare down the barrel and face it head on.

But I’m trying. The images in this post are proof.

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